habits gone awry

Yes, I’m still here, and yes, I’m more or less on track with my habit-forming goals.  The only area I seem to be suffering in is keeping the blog updated.  It’s summer, I’m busy with the kids.  Also, I’m finding there just aren’t enough hours in the day to be Super Mom, a housekeeper, a chef, the librarian, the live-in nurse, get an hour and a half of exercise, stay on top of the billing, pack/plan for our upcoming vacation, etc.  But I will get back to the blog — I miss it, and that’s how I know it’s already a habit.

No time to find more excuses.  I’ve got to chauffeur my oldest to swim lessons…

Wedneday is weigh-in day

I’m up half a pound this week.  That’s probably hormone-related, but I’m not going to sweat it or try to rationalize it.  I’m working out every day, I’m staying within my calorie limit.  I’m doing everything right.  The scale will move.

So this week, instead of paying attention to the scale, which we all know to be fickle and mean-spirited, I’m going to pay attention to something more trustworthy — the tape measure.  I’ve lost a little bit here and there, quarter inches for the most part, on various parts of my body since first measuring three weeks ago.  Some measurements haven’t changed at all.  But the one number that makes me smile?  I’ve lost 1.25 inches on my waist.

The other trustworthy measurement I can make — I feel great.  I feel fitter, stronger, firmer.  Also happier, calmer, kinder.  It’s amazing what eating clean, drinking light, exercising often, and sleeping well can do for you!

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A print from one of our favorite artists, Erté.

Five days in… are any of my goals showing signs of becoming habits?

Well, the sleep thing, oh, yeah…. Getting enough sleep is addictive!  It’s been a little difficult to put the book down, or stop ironing, or sacrifice internet time so as to get to bed at a decent time, but the reward of not sleepwalking through the morning has definitely been worth it.

The cardio — well, we all know I’m up in the air as far as what *cardio* really is for me right now.  Let’s just say, I’m getting in a workout every day, and loving it.  And I’m really loving the five day split for weight training — I feel like I can really target a specific area and give it my all, rather than having to save some muscle for later exercises.  It also feels like it takes up far less time.  Overall, I’m probably spending more time per week with the weights.  But I don’t have to lay out two or three one hour blocks during the week to devote to it.  Roughly, it’s taking me 20 minutes a day.

Blogging — well that’s well on its way to becoming a habit here.  But on our family blog and my homeschooling blog, I’m completely slacking off.

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The four of us, June ‘08.

Today’s my day off from exercise, so not much to report on.  I’ve spent the day contemplating the future of my *running career* and sports bras.  Aren’t I deep?  And, ironically, one has nothing to do with the other.

I’ve been loving the running.  I love the time out, challenging myself, the fresh air… so much of it.  But one thing I don’t love: I can feel my knees.  They feel… thick and heavy and incredibly present.  And, really, you shouldn’t be able to feel your joints.  Sure, you crack your elbow into the wall and you feel it.  But I shouldn’t be aware of my knees every waking hour of the day.  I’m not in pain yet, but I’ve been dealing with the bum knee thing since high school, and I know this to be a precursor.  The wise me would stop before it starts to really hurt.  If I pull back now, I won’t have to spend a week or two gingerly walking around the house, unable to workout.  I won’t have to send my five year old on errands to go upstairs and get extra diapers for the toddler.  I won’t have to get up in the middle of the night to pop some IB just so I can get some sleep.  But, if I pull back now, I’ll be quitting something I really, really want to accomplish.  Sigh… I know the right thing to do.  I just don’t want to feel like a quitter.

In slightly less despondent news, why in hell is it so difficult to find a good sports bra?  I’ve got about five different kinds upstairs in my drawer and, let me tell you, they all suck.  Probably because they are all sports bras carried by the local department store, rather than a really serious sporting goods place.  I’ve decided, whether I continue to run or not, that I need to invest in a couple really good ones, and damn the price.  So, any suggestions?  I have a suggestion for you — I have no idea of the quality of their product, but you need to go here and take the bounce-o-meter test, just for fun.  And, owww, no wonder it hurts!

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My two brothers and me, Christmas, indeterminate late 70s

How’s it going?

1. 5:45 — I’m not quite sure what I was thinking when I said I was going to try to make this a habit.  Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as I declare that, Harry starts sleeping like the proverbial newborn babe.  My purpose in listing this goal, however, wasn’t to be sadistic and make myself get up before the crack of dawn.  The purpose, really, was to fit a workout in before the daily grind got started.  And the following occurred to me today: my husband doesn’t actually leave for work until 8AM.  It takes me, at the most, an hour to get out for my run and the walk home.  I make the kids’ cereal (Cream of Wheat and applesauce) ahead of time anyway, and I can easily pack dh’s lunch the night before as well.  Sure, I’d be sacrificing a half hour or so with him, but he spends most of that time catching up on e-mail and ignoring me anyway.  (He’s the kind of guy you don’t talk to before he’s had two cups of coffee and some alone time.)  And at that time of the day, the kids are pretty self-sufficient.  So as long as I am out the door at 7, I can still get my workout in first thing without sacrificing more than ten minutes of sleep.  So I’m rewording my first habit.  Instead of *get up at 5:45*, it’s *get my workout in first thing in the morning*.  Another caveat, that’s for run days only.  I’m not about to struggle through my yoga with dh guffawing into his coffee.
2. 7 hours of sleep — that and more last night.  It feels great to get a real night’s sleep.
3. cardio — 60 minutes Ashtanga today, plus about fifteen minutes trying to work myself into a headstand.
4. 5 day split — today was chest.  And I wish I’d bothered to check my latest  issue of Oxygen and follow their routine before I started!
5. blog — here I am!

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My brother and me.  Possibly the last documented photo of me as a blond.  A real blond, that is.

We are two days into the 21 day challenge at the Sisterhood.  How are you doing?  As for me, well…

1. 5:45 — didn’t happen today.  Harry woke up in the middle of the night and crawled in with us.  I woke up just before the alarm was to go off and… well, he just looked so damn cute and peaceful I couldn’t bear to wake him up.  And, yes, I wanted that extra hour myself.
2. 7 hours of sleep — yes.  Since I nixed #1, I was able to fulfill #2.  Sometimes there’s a trade off.
3. 30 minutes of cardio — 60 today.  I used to do a lot of Ashtanga Yoga, and decided to dust off one of my dvds today, since I missed my morning routine.  It’s not as hard-hitting as running, but ashtanga isn’t sitting around *stretching* either.  It felt pretty good.
4. 5 day split — today was back and abs.
5. blog — check!

In review: luckily, these are habits I’m working to form, so not being perfect doesn’t make me feel like a failure.  In retrospect, I wish I had gotten up and worked out before the temp hit the 80s.  I think of all the things I want to do, getting up early is going to be the toughest.  But I’m working on it.

you capture — you

I’ve been meaning to participate in You Capture for the last few weeks.  This week’s challenge, a self-portrait, I very nearly blew off.  I occasionally take good snapshots of my kids, or flowers, but I’m no artist.  And trust me, I am NOT a photographer’s dream.  I have a cheesy camera smile.  I blink all the time.  I have bags under my eyes that no amount of coverup can … cover up.  And, well, to be blunt, at 37 I’m still not comfortable in my own skin.  But then I see that everyone else participated, and I started to feel a little bit like a chicken.

You would think that as the daughter of a photographer I would understand that I have to look at the camera, wouldn’t you?  Despite that, this picture has probably the most *real me* quality to it — not a fake, too-wide smile, etc.

Too bright, I know, but it gives me giggles that you can see my collar bones if you squint.  By the way, I hate wearing purple.  My mother-in-law sent this to me and I feel kind of obligated to wear it.  I just finished working out.  I’m sweaty, and I may not have brushed my hair this morning.  The real me.

Me and my personal trainer, Harry.  Who totally slacked off and slept til 7 this morning.

I must admit, that was not as painful as I thought it would be.

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My first Christmas.  Back when chubby was cute.

Staying accountable with all the new habits I’m trying to form:

1. 5:45AM — he he, well, yeah… I set the alarm for 5:45.  But when I woke up at 4AM I shut it off because I thought no way would I be ready to run in a couple hours’ time.  Luckily, little Harry knows what is in his mama’s best interests.  He came running into our bedroom at five minutes to six, desperate to be on the move.  So, by ten after the hour we were out the door.  LOL, he’s my trainer!
2. 7 hours of sleep — yup.  Lights out at 10:30, and luckily no little boys needed me during the wee hours.
3. 30 minutes of cardio — 40 actually.  I did W2D2 of the C25K, then did a brisk walk home.
4. 5 day split — today was shoulders.  It was great.  And exhausting.
5. blog — well, yeah!?  I’m here, aren’t I?

weekly weigh in

For the first time in…. well, forever, I was excited to step on the scale this morning.  I knew I’d see a substantial loss.  Because I’ve been working out nearly every day — hard work, sweating, swearing, gasping.  And because I’ve been tracking my calories like a fanatic and know I’ve created a calorie deficit.  OK, and because I’ve stepped on the scale multiple times during the week to *check* on things.

Last week: 166.0

This week: 164.0

Two pounds!!

The funny thing is, it’s not that I’ve finally stumbled upon the right plan, the right diet, the right exercise dvd…  The desire to lose weight has always been there.  But the attempts have been half-hearted.  I knew what I needed to do, and I truly wanted the results, but I didn’t want to do the work.  I would say I don’t have the time, the baby needs me, it’s too hot/cold/rainy/snowy, I’m too tired… but what all that really means is that I didn’t want to do the work.  Because when you want the change bad enough to do the work, you find the time.  Or you take the baby with you.  Or you wear less/more/whatever the elements require.  Or you go to bed earlier.  There are solutions to all those things that get in the way.  I just had to be willing to make the changes those solutions required.

I feel good right now.  Great.  I’m on a high because the scale is going down.  I’m wearing shorts that were uncomfortable to button a month ago.  My shoulders are exhausted, in a good way, from my workout earlier today.  I’m zinging with energy from my morning run (it’s got to be the run — I’ve cut my coffee allowance in half!).  I need to remember how I feel right this very moment.  Because no doubt there will come a day soon when I don’t feel like working out.  Or want to go hog wild on a pizza.

I need to remember how I feel right… this… very… moment.

new challenge at the Sisterhood!

I’ve been refreshing the Shrinking Jeans site every five minutes all day long, I swear it.  I was itching to find out what the new challenge was, and to get on with it!  And, finally, it’s up!  (Remember, I’m in  Belgium.  By the time the girls get up and moving, it’s late afternoon for me!)  So the new challenge is a relatively short one — 21 days.  The mission: form new habits.

Funny.  I always kind of think of habits as a bad thing.  I’m always trying to *break* myself of my bad habits.  Drinking, slouching, pouting when things don’t go my way… The idea of forming new, healthy habits intrigues me.  I want to approach this in a positive way.  Not, I’m going to stop drinking. Yes, I know stopping drinking would be a positive, but that statement has a negative connotation, ya know?  And besides, I’ve already got that one pretty much beat.  I haven’t been posting much these last couple weeks, but I have been busy.  I’ve been limiting my wine to one night a week, and it’s been working really well.  No jitters or anything

So, the new habits I’m going to form during this 21 day challenge:

1. Set my alarm for 5:45 so I can get my workout in early. I love working out first thing in the morning.  I hate getting up. But when I do workout first thing in the day, I’m more motivated to stay on track with everything else.  And obviously, less likely to skip my workout!
2. Do my best to get at least seven hours of sleep a night. My littlest is still often up during the middle of the night, and sometimes that can’t be accounted for.  But me staying up until midnight to read a trashy romance novel… well, that I can account for!
3. Get at least 30 minutes of cardio six days a week.  Preferably 45. I’m into week two of the C25K — that covers three days.  But I want to add some cardio to the other days as well.  The more I move, the quicker the weight will move.
4. 5 day split weight training. This is a new one for me.  Previously I’ve done upper body one day, cardio the next, then lower body, then cardio, then upper, cardio… you get the picture.  Instead, I’ll be working shoulders, chest, back/abs, bis/tris, and legs on different days, but more intensely.  This is an approach, along with the more frequent cardio, that I’ve been looking into.  What better time to try and implement it than in a 21 day challenge!
5. Blog, blog, blog!! I’m very lax at keeping accountable, I know.  It would do me a world of good to get in here every day and journal — the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.  Even if it’s just a few words, I need to do this!

That’s my plan!  What’s yours?