the long road to healthy

July 22, 2009

weekly weigh in

Filed under: keeping it real, weigh in — karena @ 5:00 pm

It’s final weigh in day for the Shrinking Jeans summer challenge. I’d love to be able to post here about how awesome I did, and how fantastic I feel to have seen it through and made such great progress.

But I just couldn’t seem to find that “oomph” I needed to really make any headway.  I got too busy with other things — all good, noble, profitable things — and put my fitness journey to the side.  As I look back through my archives, I see lots of good intentions over the last few months, but all quickly abandoned when “life” got in the way.  Sigh.  I really, really want to lose this weight and be healthy and happy with my body.  It is daily on my mind.  So why haven’t I been able to commit?  Not to one particular set of goals, but to my own health?

I’ve just started back on a highly structured program that has worked for me in the past.  But I feel no joy.  Because I don’t think I’ll see it through.  I think that, before I’ll be able to move forward with my weight loss, I need to figure out exactly why I’m giving it the short shrift.  Do I not think I’m worth it?  Do I like to “hide” behind my weight?

I’m afraid that the reality might be that I’ve given up.  I go through the motions and say the right things, but I fear a large part of me (ha ha, even in the midst of self-pity I am humorous) has simply accepted that this is “me.”  That I’m the short, fat, quiet one in the corner.

This week’s weigh in: 164.5

That’s up 1.5 pounds from last week.

Advertisements

5 Comments »

  1. Alright. Stop right there. You have not given up. You are just in a rough spot. We all have them. To truly give up, you would not WANT to be different. To truly give up, you would not be even willing to try something new.

    You ARE worth it. You WILL do it. I know you will.

    Comment by Thea @ Im A Drama Mama — July 22, 2009 @ 10:25 pm

  2. Thanks for the encouragement, Thea. The pity part is over — and luckily, all the “party” involved was whining into the blogosphere. No chips and dips, no alcohol. So no more guilt added to the pile.

    I’m still re-evaluating my plan and trying to figure out a better way to meld this into my life — rather than health and fitness be some separate entity. I’m not sure what the way forward is. But I am looking forward.

    Comment by karena — July 23, 2009 @ 5:09 am

  3. it has to be a plan that you like – i’m a big fan of structure and organization, so that’s what works for me. and because it works, i do it.

    you have to find something that you enjoy. that makes you feel better for having done it. it might take a little experimentation, but you’ll find it, i know you will.

    Comment by Brooke — July 23, 2009 @ 1:23 pm

  4. Karena, it takes A LOT of will power and determination to get to the point where I finally am able to DAILY take care of myself! I think the bottom line for me was when the doctor told me, if I don’t get a handle on my weight and health I would soon become a diabetic. I know that’s not the end of the world and many people live for decades with it, but I couldn’t deal with the diagnosis of such a life changing disease. I workout every night after my son goes to bed. It makes for “no relax time” in the evenings, but this is more important to me right now. It is working for me and that’s the key in this journey. Do what works for YOU, not everyone else!!

    I am confident that you will find what works for you….we all have the same goal…to BE HEALTHY and HAPPY!!

    Comment by Ann G — July 24, 2009 @ 12:01 am

  5. Thanks for the advice, Brooke. I’m taking a few days while I’m sick to really think about this. What do I really WANT to do, versus what do I feel like I ought to do.

    Ann — “no relax time in the evenings” — uggh, I hear you. That is the only time I seem to have to myself. So I kind of like sitting down reading, blogging, etc. Maybe taking that time to exercise would be a better use of “me” time. I love my kids beyond measure, and homeschooling them was a no-brainer for us. But I must confess to a bit of jealousy when friends send their kids off to school and have time to go to water aerobic classes, book clubs, French classes, etc. Not that I WANT to send the kids off — sigh, it’s complicated, you know?

    Comment by karena — July 24, 2009 @ 5:05 am


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: